When you’re getting married, everyone tells you the first year of marriage is the hardest. For Josh and I, our first year has included moving to Florida, living in Florida, starting 5 new jobs between the two of us, moving back to North Carolina, moving in with my parents, and hunting for our first home. Yeah, we’ve only been married 9 months and they’ve definitely been hard. So here are some tips for surviving your first year of marriage-

1. Communication, communication, communication.

Do you see a pattern here? Making a marriage, or any relationship, work takes constant, honest communication. When you stop talking, you start fighting.

2. Divide the chores and take turns.

Cooking, doing the dishes, taking out the garbage, cleaning the litter box, doing the laundry, folding the laundry, vacuuming, dusting, grocery shopping, and the list literally goes on and on and on. Josh and I each have particular chores that we almost always tackle ourselves and others that we do together. To make it easy, use a cleaning chart like the one below to remind you of what needs to be done and whose job it is to do it. This is the 21^st century, gender equality isn’t just for the workplace.

3. Decide how you’re going to handle your money.

Josh and I decided before we got married to share a bank account, to have a monthly budget to stick to, what our savings goals were, and over all how we were going to manage our money. I create our monthly budget and record our spending and Josh is in charge of making sure all the bills get paid. We both agree on how we’re going to handle our finances, so we’re always on the same page.

4. Set aside money for each other every month

Built into our monthly budget, Josh and I each get a little money every month that we can do whatever we want with. Typically, I spend mine on makeup or beauty supplies. And Josh normally forgets about his, or spends it on brake pads (men…). Whatever we want to do with our money is fair game. It keeps us from going over budget on miscellaneous wants throughout the month and allows us a little freedom to do what we want without talking to the other first.

5. Understand and accept that you’re going to do things differently

You were raised in two different families and will do things differently. Whether that’s folding towels, holiday traditions, or what your definition of “I’ll do that in a minute” is, you’re going to think and do things differently and that’s ok. That’s even a good thing. You’ll introduce each other to new traditions and new ways of doing things. Embrace your differences!

6. It’s ok to agree to disagree.

Going along with doing things differently, it’s ok to disagree on things. It’s ok that you fold towels differently or you open Christmas presents on Christmas morning and he opens presents on Christmas Eve. There’s nothing wrong with disagreeing on things—it’s healthy and you should expect it. And it’s ok to disagree on bigger things, you’ll just have to keep an open mind and communicate honestly to come to an agreement–and a glass of wine for when you can’t.

7. Remember that it’s you two against the world

As most of you know, sometimes life sucks. Things might not be going well with work, sometimes trying a new recipe results in all the smoke alarms going off, maybe the cats clawed up the brand new curtains, or  maybe you’re just in a bad mood (for 4 months). Whatever’s going on outside of your marriage, remember that at the end of the day it’s just you and your spouse taking on the world together. You’re fighting the same fight, so fight together not against each other.

8. Don’t stop dating.

Marriage can be kind of boring. You get caught up in the day to day of going to work, coming home, having dinner and going to bed during the week and the chores and errands you have to run during the weekend. Making time to continue to date your spouse is incredibly important. Go on dates, make each other breakfast in bed, pack sweet notes into lunches, be spontaneous and try a new type of restaurant or go to a new place, be silly, send each other texts during the day to say “I love you”. Go out of your way to make the other feel special and you’ll remind them of why they fell in love with you in the first place.

9. Tell your spouse how grateful you are for the things they do.

Remember to thank your spouse for all the hard work they do in your marriage and in your household. Everyone wants to be appreciated and recognized for the good things that they do, and your spouse is no different. It means so much to me when Josh stops to tell me how much he appreciates me doing the laundry or making dinner every night.

10.  Pray for each other every day.

This is probably the most important thing on this list. Josh and I pray for each other every day. We pray for each other’s safety. We pray for guidance at work and the strength to get through stressful days. We pray for each other’s happiness and contentedness. We pray for our love and faith to grow stronger every day. We pray that we are able to remember all of the reasons we love each other when we feel ourselves becoming angry or upset. We pray for our future family and the wisdom and patience to understand when the right time to start it will be. We pray to give each other strength when it feels like the world might come crashing down. We pray for each other because that’s the least and most we can do to show the other that we love them and are truly committed to building a life with them.

Bonus– Keep a bottle of champagne in the fridge at all times. You never know when you’ll have something to celebrate, or even better when you’ll need literally anything to celebrate.

It takes a lot more than these 10 tips to get through your first year of marriage and to continue to have a happy and healthy marriage for the next 50 years, but hopefully these will help you through that very tough first year. Just remember the reason you said “I do” in the first place and how much your spouse means to you, and you’ll be alright.

–Mrs. Dominico

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