Josh and I rarely fight. The last thing we fought about was living in Florida and the reason we got into the fight in the first place was because I stopped being honest with him.

So we don’t often fight, but we do argue almost every day and I think that’s a good thing.

I know many young women who claim to never fight or argue with their partner. In my opinion, they’re either lying or their relationship is in trouble.

Now don’t misunderstand me, I think “fighting” and “arguing” are two different things with very important differences.

Fighting is the result of two partners being dishonest with or disrespectful of one another. Arguing is acknowledging that you are two separate people trying to sort through those differences by being honest. Arguing can become fighting when one or both partners becomes disrespectful of the other or when they let their differences come between them.

Josh and I argue because we’re different. We think about things differently and we have different opinions about things.

Example: We argue about how to prepare meals. I am a super control freak when it comes to cooking and I like things done in a very particular way. If I want Josh to help me cook, I have to get over the fact that Josh is going to do things differently. Sometimes I can handle it and he does it his way. Sometimes I can’t and he gets out of the kitchen. We don’t fight, I just compromise my expectations. Either I get help and he cooks his way, or I get no help and get to do everything my way.

It’s not about being right or winning; it’s about honestly communicating our wants and needs and trying to make those compatible with the others’ wants and needs. It’s about compromising on the things that don’t really matter and sticking to our guns about the things that do.

Couples who don’t argue aren’t being honest with each other. If you’re in a relationship with someone, you have things in common but you won’t have everything in common. You won’t like every movie that your partner does. You won’t have the same holiday traditions as your partner. You won’t like all the same foods, all the same bands, all the same everything.

Some things won’t matter to you—like what movie to watch or where to eat dinner. But some things will and if you don’t communicate those things to your partner, you’re not being honest. And the more you compromise those important things, the more you will grow to resent your partner. In comes the fighting.

When we stop arguing, when we stop vocalizing our differing wants and needs, we are being dishonest with our partner and the resentment we feel about having to compromise ourselves can cause us to be disrespectful to our partner. We shout, we call each other names, we lose that connection that brought us together in the first place.

Honesty and open communication are two of the most important things to a healthy and happy relationship, so don’t be afraid to argue. It’s ok to have different opinions and it’s important to work through those, even if it means agreeing to disagree. Just keep in mind that the differences between you and your partner are just as important as those similarities.

–Mrs. Dominico

Obviously I’m not a relationship expert, these are just my opinions. If you are looking for more information on arguing in relationships, see the links below:

Psychology Today, Huffington Post, The Today Show

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