I have always dreamed about being a Mrs. Most little girls dream of being Mrs. Teen Heartthrob or will doodle in their notebooks about being Mrs. Whoever-They-Have-a-Crush-On or Mrs. What’s-His-Name-They’re-Dating. When you’re in college (especially in a sorority) you start to consider what your monogram will look like as you decide whether you’re going to get serious with a boy (just kidding…ish).

And when Josh and I started dating, it was no different. I dreamed about being Mrs. Josh Dominico. I practiced my signature, perused various monogram scripts to find the perfect one to highlight my initials, and I practiced introducing myself as Rachel Dominico.

When we got engaged, I had no hesitations as I began to transition to being Rachel Dominico. When I thought about changing my name all I felt was thrilled that I was finally going to be Mrs. Dominico. I even created a new Gmail account with my new name and began using that full time.

Before we got married, I started a job and I had to fill out all the legal paperwork as Rachel Ward. When I inquired about how to change my name once we were married, a mere 2 weeks later, I found that the process was pretty complicated. Not only would I have to complete several pages of paperwork and trek all over campus for the proper signatures, but they would have to alter my work email address which, apparently, took several weeks. So after talking with Josh, I just decided that at work I would stay Rachel Ward.

We got married and then I started looking into changing my name. First we had to wait for our marriage license to be mailed to us. Then I needed to go to the Social Security Office to apply for a new Social Security Card to change my name. Then I would have to wait another 3 weeks for that to be mailed to me. Then I would need to go to the DMV to get my license changed. Once all that was done, I then needed to change my name on all other important things, such as bank accounts, insurance, and my passport.  All that just so I could have the pleasure of legally signing my name as Rachel Dominico.

Well my job was a strict 8am-5pm job that I had to be at every single day and there was very little room to take time off during the day to go to the Social Security Office and the DMV. I tried 2 or 3 times to go during my lunch break, but I never could get seen. Months went by and I was offered a new job at the end of September and decided I would give myself time between quitting my old job and starting my new job.

So finally during the first week of October, I went to change my name. After waiting for hours in government buildings surrounded by the most interesting characters, I was legally Rachel Ward Dominico. And it felt really weird.

During my months of trying to change my name, I found myself less and less determined to do so. I was thrilled to be Mrs. Dominico and thrilled to be Josh’s wife, but the idea of casting aside the name that had carried me through since birth seemed really sad.

I had been Rachel Lauren Ward my entire life. It felt like giving up my identity, like I was becoming someone else. And when you get married you do, in a sense, become someone new. But I didn’t feel like I could just abandon Rachel Ward—she was someone I was really proud to be. It seems so strange to me even now that after years of wanting to be a Mrs., I was reluctant to let go of the Ms.

Eventually I realized that my name has nothing to do with who I am. My identity is my own regardless of what people call me. But I did have the opportunity to recreate myself with my new name, so I made some goals for my “new” identity that I’m working to keep them. And I dropped my middle name and kept my maiden name to become Rachel Ward Dominico. I can still be Rachel Ward while I’m Mrs. Dominico and I’m determined to make her someone I can be proud of.

–Mrs. Rachel Ward Dominico

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